Tiny Metal Bastard In Your Uterus

Tiny Metal Bastard In Your Uterus

"I’m not saying coil insertion matches the experience of childbirth, but getting your cervix clamped open without even having the option of pain relief or being properly informed of the reality of such a painful procedure, is a little bit shit."

BY: VH

Updated: 21/10/2023

The copper coil - a tiny metal bastard that sits in your uterus and tells sperm to piss off.

Perhaps not the description you’d find in the typical NHS contraceptive pamphlet, but for me it’s quite an accurate one.

Don’t get me wrong, the tiny metal bastard has thankfully kept me baby free for the best part of 3 years now. But I still wouldn’t class us as friends.

As a newly single and ready to bloody well mingle 20 year old young woman, I found myself (quite sensibly I will add) reviewing my non-hormonal contraceptive options.

But I quite quickly discovered that I wasn't spoilt for choice.

Lets just take a little review:

Condoms

Let's be honest, has anyone actually ever really enjoyed using these past their novelty in your teens?

Pull out method

I’m not stupid, and neither are you, so let's not even try and justify this one ok?

Internal condoms & cervical caps

If you know me and have seen the size of my acrylic nails, then you’ll know that this is never gonna happen.

Fertility awareness based methods

If it works for you then bravo, but personally I would be stressing that I was pregnant 24/7.

And finally we end up with the copper coil…

For several personal reasons and the A2 sized information leaflet you get In your pill box, I was firm on my decision that I no longer wanted to take any form of hormonal based contraception.

But I still wanted to have pleasurable, non-babymaking sex!

So there I found myself, booking in a sexual health clinic appointment to get fitted with the copper coil.

Don’t get me wrong, I'd heard it was a bit painful and through the accounts of some of my girlfriends I knew it messed up your cycle for a few months afterwards.

But if i’d known the reality and aftermath of that clinic appointment, still to this day, I would not have gone.

So prior to my appointment I was told to pop a couple ibuprofen, just to ease the ‘discomfort’ of the insertion procedure.

Discomfort was the understatement of the century.

Started off kind ok, popped my legs up on the stirrups and in went the speculum.

However, then with no pain relief other than the 400mg of OTC ibuprofen, the nurse clamped open my cervix with what looked like a pair of BBQ tongs and started rooting around in my uterus.

I’ve never felt pain like that before.

For context, labour pains are essentially abdominal muscle contractions and the pressure that stretches your cervix to get baby out.

Now let’s take away the gas and air, the offer of an epidural or even just the prior knowledge that labour can actually hurt like a bitch.

I’m not saying coil insertion matches the experience of childbirth, but getting your cervix clamped open without even having the option of pain relief or being properly informed of the reality of such a painful procedure, is a little bit shit.

I don’t wish for this post to seem like a horror story and act as a deterrent to anyone exploring their suitability of a copper coil.

I just want to highlight AGAIN the incredible lack of education and awareness about anything relating to vaginal/female/reprodcutive health and care. How this affects millions of us every single day, even every hour!

I’m sure the copper coil has worked wonders for hundreds of thousands of people across the globe.

I am also very grateful to have access to the free NHS services that enable individuals such as myself to explore a variety of contraceptive options. I recognise this privilege I know many do not have.

But…

When we live in an age where you can get local anaesthesia administered for ingrown toenail removal but not the invasive procedure of forcing open the cervix and inserting a foreign object into the uterus…

I think we still have a little way to go campaigning for better vaginal health services.

Here is some useful follow up info for your own research:

• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/iud-coil/

• https://helloclue.com/articles/sex/what-it's-like-to-have-a-copper-iud

• https://thelowdown.com/contraceptives/copper-coil-iud